Mormons are funny creatures. Now that I am a full-fledged temple recommend-holding Mormon - I've developed pretty good Mo'Dar. This is "radar" only the kind that is exceptionally good at seeking the following criteria.
The Celestial Smile or "MoGee Lines." This refers to the outlines made by garments visible under the clothes. The celestial smile is the line formed by the neckline. "MoGee" is slang for "Mormon Garment."
CTR Ring. More obvious is the Choose The Right ring, worn widely mostly by RM's (Return Missionaries) and young adults.
The Haircut: The missionary haircut is seen throughout the majority of a young male RM's life. Haircut Mo'Dar for females is not accurate. However, you can usually be accurate in assuming a female with an RM haircut is NOT a Mormon.
Geography. There's a 75% chance that someone who lives in Utah is Mormon. About a 27% chance that someone from Idaho is Mormon. Of course this varies by city or town. Where I live, I would say there's a good 50% chance that some random stranger you meet is Mormon. In Idaho Falls - just 45 minutes away - that percentage jumps to probably 80%. There's some pretty sweet statistics at this site if you're interested.
Clothing. If your Mo'Dar is unable to decipher MoGee lines, or if the subject begins to feel uncomfortable as you examine them - pay attention to their clothing. Do the women wear capped sleeve shirts and long skirts or pants? Do the men wear button up or polo shirts? Young adults of the Mormon persuasion tend to dress modestly by comparison. This is more difficult to decipher as subjects increase in age.
Shopping habits. The likelihood of a subject being Mormon increases greatly if they are found shopping or working at any of these stores - Old Navy, Motherhood, OfficeMax, Costco, Sam's Club, Abercrombie and Fitch, Aeropostale, JoAnn's Fabrics, and of course any store with the actual name of the church or "Deseret" in it.
Occupation. The likelihood that one is Mormon increases if they have any of these occupations. For men: student, doctor, physicians assistant, computer hardware/software tech., dentist, or manager. For women: Teacher, Stay-At-Home-Mom, any type of service work, nurse, or dental hygienist.
House décor. If you've stopped by the new neighbor’s house for a visit, be sure your Mo'Dar pays attention to the house decor. If there aren’t readily any photos of Jesus on the wall, check for wall plaques with sayings like “Families are Forever,” Ensign magazines strewn about, or a framed family proclamation.
Office décor. First, note the subjects age. The younger the professional, the more likely they are Mormon. Then take note of photographs of family. 3 or more children will throw your Mo’Dar into overdrive. If neither of these things are noted, check for Mormon paraphernalia such as LDS mouse pads or plaques with inspirational quotes often used at the MTC.
Number of children vs. age of parents. The likelihood of one being Mormon is inversely proportionate to age, and directly proportionate to number of children. The higher the number of children and the lower the age of the parents increases the chances of Mormonism. For example, a 22 year old with three children is MORE likely to be Mormon than a 32 year old with four children. However, a 32 year old with 8 children is just as likely to be Mormon as a 22 year old with 4 children.
Age of Children. If the subject’s children are 2 or less years apart in age, the chances of them being Mormon are greater.
Last but not least, Hobbies. If you find a subject participating in any of these hobbies, they are more likely to be Mormon. For men: Video games, hunting, fishing, golf, blogging, and watching TV. For women: Scrapbooking, blogging, sewing, cooking (especially anything with Jell-O), or blogging.
Showing posts with label The Mormon Front. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Mormon Front. Show all posts
Mo'Dar
Coming Out of the Closet
My husband and I were engaged in an interesting conversation yesterday. We were talking about our weekend plans, and noticed that we have no "Mormon" friends. All the people we hang out with (see previous post) tend to really be the polar opposite of what we need to be around. I say "need" because hubby and I seem to take on the role of whoever we hang around for awhile. Like our neighbor, the 19 year old high school dropout with a 3 year old child, no job, no money, who does lines of crack on the hood of her car in the middle of the night with strange hoodlums, has sex with random people she later tells us about, and uses our washing machine almost daily...(inhale) I'm not that bitter, though. We like helping people and sometimes she's fun to be around. All this "helping" however, has her at our house 24/7 practically and her potty mouth rubs off on us. We were already pretty potty-mouthed to begin with, but lately as we have been trying to be "good" we've wanted to change all that. It's also rare to find a couple our age to hang out with who don't already have kids. Our other neighbors are in our ward and they don't have kids yet. Their weekend activities include...World of Warcraft. That's it. Sorry, I can't handle WoW talk anymore than I have endured already when hubby went through that phase.
So what's this "Coming Out of the Closet" I speak of? Well, during our talk about our lack of friends, husband made a good point.
"Do you think that when Mormons get together, they try to be all 'good' and not swear, or get angry, or talk about sex - then when they get home alone with their wife they act just like us? Or do you think everyone but us is 'good'?"
I don't know... Maybe a little bit of both! Is that nice dentist and his perfect wife from church really the way they seem? Or does he say "DAMNIT!" when he spills pop on the carpet? Does she leave the dishes in the sink for whole week? Do they talk dirty while doing the hibbidy dibbity?
All the questions are valid, and I would really like to know the answer from any Mormons who have some insight on this topic.
So what's this "Coming Out of the Closet" I speak of? Well, during our talk about our lack of friends, husband made a good point.
"Do you think that when Mormons get together, they try to be all 'good' and not swear, or get angry, or talk about sex - then when they get home alone with their wife they act just like us? Or do you think everyone but us is 'good'?"
I don't know... Maybe a little bit of both! Is that nice dentist and his perfect wife from church really the way they seem? Or does he say "DAMNIT!" when he spills pop on the carpet? Does she leave the dishes in the sink for whole week? Do they talk dirty while doing the hibbidy dibbity?
All the questions are valid, and I would really like to know the answer from any Mormons who have some insight on this topic.
Sunday Prayer
For the first time since I joined the church, I will be saying the closing prayer in Sacrament meeting this week. I know it might not be a big deal for everyone else, but I am pretty nervous about the whole thing. I have secretly been practicing in my head, and I just hope I don't revert to my childhood Baptist "Dear Baby Jesus" prayers.
When I pray in front of other people, I usually do pretty well. I start with "Our Father in Heaven..." but try to avoid the prayer template. (Below)
My husband and I were talking about this, and he said, "Just make sure to include lots of "Thee's" "Thou's" and "Thy's."
I laughed. But he wasn't kidding. He said that someone might end up talking to me after Sacrament about it if I didn't. On his mission, a new member got up and started praying without "Thee" or "Thou" and the Bishop talked to them afterwards about including it in their prayers from now on.
"Umm, how about I pray the way I want to? I mean, I won't be waving my hands and "Praisin' Jesus" - but I don't want to sacrifice content for formality. Thinking about adding "thy" instead of "your" will make me get all jumbled up." I said.
He agreed. He just didn't want me to feel bad if someone said something to me. If someone came up to me and said I had to start using "Thee" and "Thou" I might leave the ward.
Yes, there is a certain way to pray. And for those who DO use the formal words and prayer template, I don't blame you. Not only was it the way Mormons were taught, but it's also a way to "fit in." Heavenly Father knows me. He knows that the way I pray is reverent and formal - not fake. If I started using the vain "repetition" that everyone else does, knowing it's not right for me especially, prayer would no longer be about praying. It would be about trying to fit in with everyone else, and sounding like a sheep.
To a point, I will stay within the loose prayer guidelines. But I won't be using the same voice inflection, or trying to input Thee's and Thou's. I want to say a prayer so that people will pay attention instead of zoning out like I do. The only prayers I tend to pay attention to are those that are unique. So that's what I want to be, unique!
The Mormon Prayer Template
Our Dear Kind and Gracious Heavenly Father
We are so very grateful to be able to gather here this Sabbath Day
We are grateful for: (Insert Sacrament speakers here) who were able to (enlighten, regail, bore) us with their testimonies.
And we ask that Thou wildst bless those who were unable to join us.
We ask that Thou would bless our family and friends (with good health, so that they may have the holy spirit with them, to bring something other than Jell-O to the picnic)
And we also ask, Dear Heavenly Father, that we will take the words spoken here today and apply them in our own lives
We humbly say these things in the Holy Name of Thy Son Jesus Christ Amen
When I pray in front of other people, I usually do pretty well. I start with "Our Father in Heaven..." but try to avoid the prayer template. (Below)
My husband and I were talking about this, and he said, "Just make sure to include lots of "Thee's" "Thou's" and "Thy's."
I laughed. But he wasn't kidding. He said that someone might end up talking to me after Sacrament about it if I didn't. On his mission, a new member got up and started praying without "Thee" or "Thou" and the Bishop talked to them afterwards about including it in their prayers from now on.
"Umm, how about I pray the way I want to? I mean, I won't be waving my hands and "Praisin' Jesus" - but I don't want to sacrifice content for formality. Thinking about adding "thy" instead of "your" will make me get all jumbled up." I said.
He agreed. He just didn't want me to feel bad if someone said something to me. If someone came up to me and said I had to start using "Thee" and "Thou" I might leave the ward.
Yes, there is a certain way to pray. And for those who DO use the formal words and prayer template, I don't blame you. Not only was it the way Mormons were taught, but it's also a way to "fit in." Heavenly Father knows me. He knows that the way I pray is reverent and formal - not fake. If I started using the vain "repetition" that everyone else does, knowing it's not right for me especially, prayer would no longer be about praying. It would be about trying to fit in with everyone else, and sounding like a sheep.
To a point, I will stay within the loose prayer guidelines. But I won't be using the same voice inflection, or trying to input Thee's and Thou's. I want to say a prayer so that people will pay attention instead of zoning out like I do. The only prayers I tend to pay attention to are those that are unique. So that's what I want to be, unique!
The Mormon Prayer Template
Our Dear Kind and Gracious Heavenly Father
We are so very grateful to be able to gather here this Sabbath Day
We are grateful for: (Insert Sacrament speakers here) who were able to (enlighten, regail, bore) us with their testimonies.
And we ask that Thou wildst bless those who were unable to join us.
We ask that Thou would bless our family and friends (with good health, so that they may have the holy spirit with them, to bring something other than Jell-O to the picnic)
And we also ask, Dear Heavenly Father, that we will take the words spoken here today and apply them in our own lives
We humbly say these things in the Holy Name of Thy Son Jesus Christ Amen
Trying to Act Mormon
I have posted previously about the "Mormon Front." This is the fake, yet somewhat sincere act put on by members of the church. Now, for some this comes naturally and is usually mastered by lifetime members, in which case it's not a "front" but reality. However, for us Normal Mormons, being so conformist is a little more difficult. We may have practiced a prayer or two, put out a few Ensigns on the coffee table before the home teachers arrive, made sure our BoM's look worn in (or at least not dusty), play basketball with the elders even though we hate it, go to scrapbooking nights and try not to cut off a finger, etc... Normal Mormons are very hard to spot, because they are always putting on a "front," and can therefore never reveal themselves unless they know they person they are talking to is also "Normal."
It's strange, because even though I don't like the "front" - I really try to be more "Mormon." Why? Because it's comfortable. Because I want to make friends. Because I want the people in the ward to like me. Doing these things won't guarantee salvation, and they aren't part of the Word of Wisdom. So really, it's debatable on whether or not we should even be trying. So why are Mormons so "cliquey"? Why do the people who AREN'T putting on a "front" do the same things as everyone else? Why don't they ever deviate from the norm a little? Do they have personalities? I don't have any Mormon friends that fit the mold here, so I can't ask.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying ALL Mormons are one way or the other.
Am I brainwashed? I really want a minivan for some reason now. And the thought of having 7 kids really gets me excited. I also happen to love these popular female Mormon activities which include scrapbooking, sewing, cooking, and baking. Is that bad? I mean, from a non-conformist Mormon point of view? My husband has tried all his life to put on the "Mormon" front. Go on a mission, marry a girl when you come back, go to college, go to medical school, be a doctor, be the bishop, die. Basically.
So why do we WANT these things? It's not like having a plaque that says "Families Are Forever" will give you a ticket into the Celestial Kingdom.
What about the Mormon blogging world? There are bazillions of Mormon blogs. Why do we like it so much? Is it the Stay At Home Mom thing? Is that what they do all day? What about all the Mormon bloggers who are all intellectual and deep into doctrine - and post forty seven pages about political issues and BoM translations *snore*...
If I there were a Mormon Conformist Scale, I this is what it would look like:
1. What's a Mormon?
2. I used to be Mormon.
3. I'm not active and I tend to break the Word of Wisdom, but I'm still Mormon
4. I'm sorta active. I go to church a few times a year, but I'm not boozin it up or anything.
5. I'm active. I don't go to picnics and crap though. I do the minimum required of me.
6. I go to church frequently, and participate in activities, but I don't have church friends.
7. I have a temple reccommend and frequently participate in church activites, but I don't have fourteen kids or anything....
8. My spouse is active in the church and our kids are pretty good. Sometimes we'll swear/drink pop/ but on rare occassions.
9. We go to church regularly and fulfill all our callings, tithe, participate in church activites, etc... All our friends, and all our kids friends, are from church.
10. My husband, the doctor, is the Bishop, my wife, the teacher, is the RS president, my ten and a half kids are either on missions or still a fetus.
I'm like a 6. LOL
It's strange, because even though I don't like the "front" - I really try to be more "Mormon." Why? Because it's comfortable. Because I want to make friends. Because I want the people in the ward to like me. Doing these things won't guarantee salvation, and they aren't part of the Word of Wisdom. So really, it's debatable on whether or not we should even be trying. So why are Mormons so "cliquey"? Why do the people who AREN'T putting on a "front" do the same things as everyone else? Why don't they ever deviate from the norm a little? Do they have personalities? I don't have any Mormon friends that fit the mold here, so I can't ask.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying ALL Mormons are one way or the other.
Am I brainwashed? I really want a minivan for some reason now. And the thought of having 7 kids really gets me excited. I also happen to love these popular female Mormon activities which include scrapbooking, sewing, cooking, and baking. Is that bad? I mean, from a non-conformist Mormon point of view? My husband has tried all his life to put on the "Mormon" front. Go on a mission, marry a girl when you come back, go to college, go to medical school, be a doctor, be the bishop, die. Basically.
So why do we WANT these things? It's not like having a plaque that says "Families Are Forever" will give you a ticket into the Celestial Kingdom.
What about the Mormon blogging world? There are bazillions of Mormon blogs. Why do we like it so much? Is it the Stay At Home Mom thing? Is that what they do all day? What about all the Mormon bloggers who are all intellectual and deep into doctrine - and post forty seven pages about political issues and BoM translations *snore*...
If I there were a Mormon Conformist Scale, I this is what it would look like:
1. What's a Mormon?
2. I used to be Mormon.
3. I'm not active and I tend to break the Word of Wisdom, but I'm still Mormon
4. I'm sorta active. I go to church a few times a year, but I'm not boozin it up or anything.
5. I'm active. I don't go to picnics and crap though. I do the minimum required of me.
6. I go to church frequently, and participate in activities, but I don't have church friends.
7. I have a temple reccommend and frequently participate in church activites, but I don't have fourteen kids or anything....
8. My spouse is active in the church and our kids are pretty good. Sometimes we'll swear/drink pop/ but on rare occassions.
9. We go to church regularly and fulfill all our callings, tithe, participate in church activites, etc... All our friends, and all our kids friends, are from church.
10. My husband, the doctor, is the Bishop, my wife, the teacher, is the RS president, my ten and a half kids are either on missions or still a fetus.
I'm like a 6. LOL
Lifetime Member is Skeptical
I recently had a conversation with someone I know very well about the church. This person was raised in the gospel, and nearly did everything expected of him throughout his life. More recently he has become somewhat of a skeptic of the entire "organized religion" thing which is no doubt a direct result of both arrogance and intelligence. He began bringing up philosophical questions like, "What if you're brainwashed into thinking all this stuff?" and "Everyone just follows the leader, no one has a mind of their own."
I think his dismay stems from a talk given by his stake leader a few weeks ago. This talk was devoted to the "bashing" of video games, and all video game paraphernalia - equating it almost to pornography. This particular guy is of course, very into video games, as are both my husband and I. So in conversation, we were all very angry that a church leader would bash video games so wholeheartedly. Granted, video games should be treated much like food - have in moderation. But that was apparently not the point made.
As he continued talking, and questioning the gospel, Joseph Smith, etc... He mentioned that no one in church ever talks about "Cain's mark" or other controversial things, and church is always the same thing over and over again. My husband turned and said "Hey! My wife is a new member and I would appreciate it if you didn't talk like that." My husband continued to get angry that a lifelong member would be talking himself out of the gospel, when I spent so much time talking myself into the gospel.
I was glad he "defended my honor" in a way. But I stopped him and said, "Honey, there's nothing he can say that will make me change my mind. You forget that he never got the chance to ask questions growing up in the church, and I did." I turned to the skeptic and said, "Please continue. I have already researched everything you're going to say, and I still got baptized."
I hope that lifelong members will continue to ask questions, and not take everything they've learned at face value. Being a skeptic initially myself, I have asked many questions, and received many answers. I also still don't know a lot of things. But there's no point in believing in something if you don't know what it is you believe in. And while we do have a Prophet living today that guides us, it doesn't mean that everyone in the church has that same authority. So don't be sheep.
I think his dismay stems from a talk given by his stake leader a few weeks ago. This talk was devoted to the "bashing" of video games, and all video game paraphernalia - equating it almost to pornography. This particular guy is of course, very into video games, as are both my husband and I. So in conversation, we were all very angry that a church leader would bash video games so wholeheartedly. Granted, video games should be treated much like food - have in moderation. But that was apparently not the point made.
As he continued talking, and questioning the gospel, Joseph Smith, etc... He mentioned that no one in church ever talks about "Cain's mark" or other controversial things, and church is always the same thing over and over again. My husband turned and said "Hey! My wife is a new member and I would appreciate it if you didn't talk like that." My husband continued to get angry that a lifelong member would be talking himself out of the gospel, when I spent so much time talking myself into the gospel.
I was glad he "defended my honor" in a way. But I stopped him and said, "Honey, there's nothing he can say that will make me change my mind. You forget that he never got the chance to ask questions growing up in the church, and I did." I turned to the skeptic and said, "Please continue. I have already researched everything you're going to say, and I still got baptized."
I hope that lifelong members will continue to ask questions, and not take everything they've learned at face value. Being a skeptic initially myself, I have asked many questions, and received many answers. I also still don't know a lot of things. But there's no point in believing in something if you don't know what it is you believe in. And while we do have a Prophet living today that guides us, it doesn't mean that everyone in the church has that same authority. So don't be sheep.
Jesus Christ's Mug Shot
Last night our Bishop stopped by unannounced. We just moved (two months ago) and have been debating going to the family ward, or the student ward. So in our perilous struggle for the right ward, we have been putting off attending church altogether. The student ward begins at 9am and is across town, and the family ward begins at 12 and is within walking distance. Yeah, a real hard choice – I know.
When we heard the knock, my husband sprinted upstairs in his garments (he was laying around in them) to change. I answered the door and the Bishop walked in and introduced himself. My husband started getting winded as he picked up the living room and covered his computer screen where he was watching a pirated version of “Rambo.” We talked, but I felt one edge seeing as our house was a pig sty (to anyone else’s standards really) and my husband was wearing the fleece pajama pants I made him. Keep in mind I made them from bright blue fabric with cartoon frogs all over it.
As the Bishop tried to take us seriously, we made an appointment to meet. After he left, we exhaled and my husband said, “Hey nice job with the stuff on the walls honey.” I looked at our living room wall. An 18” x 24” framed photo of Jesus Christ exiting his tomb, and my hand-made 8” x 24” plaque that says, “Families are Forever.” So just in case the Bishop had any doubts he might be in the wrong place, our only decoration in the entire house proves it. No one can argue that, although all Christians would theoretically have the same décor, Mormon décor is particularly identifiable. (Note pix below.)
I find it hard to resist Deseret Book and their many pictures of Jesus that I could put up all over my house. I admit, really the pictures are corny. But what Mormon house do you enter that doesn’t have the beautiful Jesus mug shot in the doorway? Or large plaques with cute sayings on them, that are most likely hand-made with rub-on letters and crackle paint? Or a peg board with hanging names for FHE?
Okay, I don’t just want pictures of Jesus so people know I’m a Mo when they walk in the door. I also don’t want the same pictures everyone else has. (See below.) Unfortunately, Deseret Book Charges upwards of $300 for good stuff. Sheesh. I need to go into the Mormon painting business.
This idea of the "Mormon Front" is something I haven't come to terms with yet. I don't hate it, and I don't like it. It's just this silent thing that goes on in LDS communities. As a convert I don't understand as much as those who have been in the church their whole lives. You put up pictures of Jesus, have a few Ensigns laying around, have those stickers on the back of your van that indicate how many members of the family there are in stick figures, etc... Given that I might have done all this anyway had I not converted, I don't feel particularly cultish. But man, can we get some VARIETY!!!???
P.S. I love Jesus.
When we heard the knock, my husband sprinted upstairs in his garments (he was laying around in them) to change. I answered the door and the Bishop walked in and introduced himself. My husband started getting winded as he picked up the living room and covered his computer screen where he was watching a pirated version of “Rambo.” We talked, but I felt one edge seeing as our house was a pig sty (to anyone else’s standards really) and my husband was wearing the fleece pajama pants I made him. Keep in mind I made them from bright blue fabric with cartoon frogs all over it.
As the Bishop tried to take us seriously, we made an appointment to meet. After he left, we exhaled and my husband said, “Hey nice job with the stuff on the walls honey.” I looked at our living room wall. An 18” x 24” framed photo of Jesus Christ exiting his tomb, and my hand-made 8” x 24” plaque that says, “Families are Forever.” So just in case the Bishop had any doubts he might be in the wrong place, our only decoration in the entire house proves it. No one can argue that, although all Christians would theoretically have the same décor, Mormon décor is particularly identifiable. (Note pix below.)
I find it hard to resist Deseret Book and their many pictures of Jesus that I could put up all over my house. I admit, really the pictures are corny. But what Mormon house do you enter that doesn’t have the beautiful Jesus mug shot in the doorway? Or large plaques with cute sayings on them, that are most likely hand-made with rub-on letters and crackle paint? Or a peg board with hanging names for FHE?
Okay, I don’t just want pictures of Jesus so people know I’m a Mo when they walk in the door. I also don’t want the same pictures everyone else has. (See below.) Unfortunately, Deseret Book Charges upwards of $300 for good stuff. Sheesh. I need to go into the Mormon painting business.
This idea of the "Mormon Front" is something I haven't come to terms with yet. I don't hate it, and I don't like it. It's just this silent thing that goes on in LDS communities. As a convert I don't understand as much as those who have been in the church their whole lives. You put up pictures of Jesus, have a few Ensigns laying around, have those stickers on the back of your van that indicate how many members of the family there are in stick figures, etc... Given that I might have done all this anyway had I not converted, I don't feel particularly cultish. But man, can we get some VARIETY!!!???
P.S. I love Jesus.