Comment Response to Mo'Dar

Occasionally, I take a comment and make it public. Usually this occurs when the comment was particularly heinous or controversial and is easy to make fun of. Here's the newest one!

How does a shopper at Old Navy...etc....make one more likely to be mormon?

Old Navy offers a plethora of clothing for the young and old - much of which is suitable to cover garments. Not to mention the fact that Old Navy's are rampant in Idaho and Utah. Most people who shop at Old Navy aren't Mormon - it's all the Mormons that shop at Old Navy. Same with other stores. Just because you shop there doesn't make you a Mo'. It just so happens that Mo's frequent these store for a whole laundry list of reasons that I won't go into.

I shop at nearly all those places and am far from Mormon.

Again...not saying that shopping there makes you one. Saying that lots of Mo's shop there.

Pretty sure that all of my family enjoys those hoppies listed...how do any of those point to Mormonism...

I too enjoy hoppies.

Please enlighten me on the following: How is a male who is a white collar worker more likely to be mormon than a blue collar working male???

From personal experience, many of the Mormons I know have a white collar occupation. I don’t know why! Maybe it's where I live.

Isn't that a little egocentric???

Yes.

My dear, I think that you have truely become one with them; which I'm sure was your goal. However, it is really sad that you are mature enough to make your own decisions yet have been so easily brainwashed. My prayers are with you.

Am I the one who is brainwashed? Are you're prayers REALLY with me? It is easy to point out the eccentricities of others. I simply do it about myself and my religion. We are a funny group of people and it can be easy to identify us. Besides, what's so bad about having children, having a loving Christian home, covering up, treating your body right, and doing the right things? If that's brainwashing then bring it on!

Mo'Dar

Mormons are funny creatures. Now that I am a full-fledged temple recommend-holding Mormon - I've developed pretty good Mo'Dar. This is "radar" only the kind that is exceptionally good at seeking the following criteria.

The Celestial Smile or "MoGee Lines." This refers to the outlines made by garments visible under the clothes. The celestial smile is the line formed by the neckline. "MoGee" is slang for "Mormon Garment."

CTR Ring. More obvious is the Choose The Right ring, worn widely mostly by RM's (Return Missionaries) and young adults.

The Haircut: The missionary haircut is seen throughout the majority of a young male RM's life. Haircut Mo'Dar for females is not accurate. However, you can usually be accurate in assuming a female with an RM haircut is NOT a Mormon.

Geography. There's a 75% chance that someone who lives in Utah is Mormon. About a 27% chance that someone from Idaho is Mormon. Of course this varies by city or town. Where I live, I would say there's a good 50% chance that some random stranger you meet is Mormon. In Idaho Falls - just 45 minutes away - that percentage jumps to probably 80%. There's some pretty sweet statistics at this site if you're interested.

Clothing. If your Mo'Dar is unable to decipher MoGee lines, or if the subject begins to feel uncomfortable as you examine them - pay attention to their clothing. Do the women wear capped sleeve shirts and long skirts or pants? Do the men wear button up or polo shirts? Young adults of the Mormon persuasion tend to dress modestly by comparison. This is more difficult to decipher as subjects increase in age.

Shopping habits. The likelihood of a subject being Mormon increases greatly if they are found shopping or working at any of these stores - Old Navy, Motherhood, OfficeMax, Costco, Sam's Club, Abercrombie and Fitch, Aeropostale, JoAnn's Fabrics, and of course any store with the actual name of the church or "Deseret" in it.

Occupation. The likelihood that one is Mormon increases if they have any of these occupations. For men: student, doctor, physicians assistant, computer hardware/software tech., dentist, or manager. For women: Teacher, Stay-At-Home-Mom, any type of service work, nurse, or dental hygienist.

House décor. If you've stopped by the new neighbor’s house for a visit, be sure your Mo'Dar pays attention to the house decor. If there aren’t readily any photos of Jesus on the wall, check for wall plaques with sayings like “Families are Forever,” Ensign magazines strewn about, or a framed family proclamation.

Office décor. First, note the subjects age. The younger the professional, the more likely they are Mormon. Then take note of photographs of family. 3 or more children will throw your Mo’Dar into overdrive. If neither of these things are noted, check for Mormon paraphernalia such as LDS mouse pads or plaques with inspirational quotes often used at the MTC.

Number of children vs. age of parents. The likelihood of one being Mormon is inversely proportionate to age, and directly proportionate to number of children. The higher the number of children and the lower the age of the parents increases the chances of Mormonism. For example, a 22 year old with three children is MORE likely to be Mormon than a 32 year old with four children. However, a 32 year old with 8 children is just as likely to be Mormon as a 22 year old with 4 children.

Age of Children. If the subject’s children are 2 or less years apart in age, the chances of them being Mormon are greater.

Last but not least, Hobbies. If you find a subject participating in any of these hobbies, they are more likely to be Mormon. For men: Video games, hunting, fishing, golf, blogging, and watching TV. For women: Scrapbooking, blogging, sewing, cooking (especially anything with Jell-O), or blogging.

A Drunken Weekend

We had an awesome weekend. My husband and I joined his sister and her friends and family (the niece and nephew we spend all our time with) at a local reservoir for camping, hiking, fishing, and just hanging out. We took the speedboat out on the water and fished until sunset. We caught a few bass and my husband learned to cook them on the fire. All in all, it was great.

The only stick in my side was the fact that my husband and I were the ONLY adults not drinking alcohol. For three solid days, there were at least 20 adults (adults mind you, some not over 21) that were so drunk that the smell of alcohol radiated from their pores. There were also about 10 children that were exposed to their belligerent parents stumbling around and waking them up at four in the morning. The drunks would hop in their cars and drive around like it was no big deal. Then they would drive the speedboat around like wild banshees. The children weren’t fazed at all however, as this is apparently a regular practice.

My husband and I tried to keep the children occupied and away from all the drunken banter happening near the campfire. As the weekend rolled on, the children must have figured out that we weren’t drinking, so they followed us everywhere we went.

I constantly get the classic question, “Why can’t Mormons drink? A little alcohol is good for you!”

Why? Because you can’t control yourself. Some people can. Some can’t. Why take a chance and ruin the lives of your children, your family, and yourself? Yes, drinking alcohol is “fun” to you – but what about those around you? YOU may not be an alcoholic, but what about the people you associate with?

I thank God so much for the Word of Wisdom. There is a reason that He doesn’t want us to drink alcohol, and I saw it this weekend. Not that I needed one weekend to understand – my father was an alcoholic. I also hope that those who were raised in the church and were never exposed to it are thankful for the blessings they received.

On a side note, I don’t think we would have had as much fun had we not gone with a bunch of drunken lunatics. We drove around to find some fishing spots, and came upon a “Mormon” campsite. Either that or these people loved polos, capped sleeves, long shorts, and tons of children. They had just as many people as us, but no one was laughing. The children were all confined to the “grassy” area, and the adults were all sitting around in chairs, holding babies. Their campers were new and shiny without a smudge of dirt on them, and the men tended to their wives instead of hanging out with the guys.

If we had gone camping with them, we’d have been the life of the party!

Do the Rich Go to Heaven?

Matthew 19:23-25, Mark 10:24-26, Luke 18:24-26 all tell of the same story in which Jesus speaks these words.

"Then said Jesus unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you, That a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven."

"And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God."

"When his disciples heard it, they were exceedingly amazed, saying, Who then can be saved?"

"But many who are first will be last. And many who are last will be first."


I live in a primarily LDS area, and many of them are very wealthy. I've noticed this is a trend among the church. Dentists, doctors, lawyers, stock brokers, financial planners, etc... There are SO many upper-class people who are members. I'd like to know your thoughts on this.

Visiting Teaching

I have never gone visiting teaching, and I have only ever had them come over twice. Last night was one of those times, and I can surprisingly say that it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. Sometimes the lovely women of the LDS persuasion tend to be a little withdrawn, shy, or socially awkward. (At least the most I have known.) Thankfully, last night I was able to be myself, talk about the fact that I AM a convert (instead of hiding it), and get a good message at the same time.

One woman looked about 19, but I knew for a fact she had 4 kids. She was pretty, blonde, and had braces. The other was tall, thin, and also looked quite young. She was a married student with no children. I said, "Geez, looks like were off in our own little boat together!" Referencing the fact that we were both married with no kids. At that point I had yet to find another couple like this. We began talking about children and the other woman said, "Yeah, I have the typical Mormon family!"

I was surprised. She was raised in the church, her dad is a bishop, she has the 4 kids and a dentist for a husband - so is it possible to fit literally every stereotype and STILL be Normal? Apparently so. Her and her husband just bought Rock Band, so I am pretty sure we need to be friends. Then I found out she was 32. I wouldn't have even guess late 20's.

It seems that every friend I make is either 10 years older than me (sister-in-law), or 10 years younger (niece) - Who both happen to be my best friends right now.

So... it's possible to be Normal even if you are the "picture-perfect" Mormon family. Whew.

Trying to Act Mormon

I have posted previously about the "Mormon Front." This is the fake, yet somewhat sincere act put on by members of the church. Now, for some this comes naturally and is usually mastered by lifetime members, in which case it's not a "front" but reality. However, for us Normal Mormons, being so conformist is a little more difficult. We may have practiced a prayer or two, put out a few Ensigns on the coffee table before the home teachers arrive, made sure our BoM's look worn in (or at least not dusty), play basketball with the elders even though we hate it, go to scrapbooking nights and try not to cut off a finger, etc... Normal Mormons are very hard to spot, because they are always putting on a "front," and can therefore never reveal themselves unless they know they person they are talking to is also "Normal."

It's strange, because even though I don't like the "front" - I really try to be more "Mormon." Why? Because it's comfortable. Because I want to make friends. Because I want the people in the ward to like me. Doing these things won't guarantee salvation, and they aren't part of the Word of Wisdom. So really, it's debatable on whether or not we should even be trying. So why are Mormons so "cliquey"? Why do the people who AREN'T putting on a "front" do the same things as everyone else? Why don't they ever deviate from the norm a little? Do they have personalities? I don't have any Mormon friends that fit the mold here, so I can't ask.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying ALL Mormons are one way or the other.

Am I brainwashed? I really want a minivan for some reason now. And the thought of having 7 kids really gets me excited. I also happen to love these popular female Mormon activities which include scrapbooking, sewing, cooking, and baking. Is that bad? I mean, from a non-conformist Mormon point of view? My husband has tried all his life to put on the "Mormon" front. Go on a mission, marry a girl when you come back, go to college, go to medical school, be a doctor, be the bishop, die. Basically.

So why do we WANT these things? It's not like having a plaque that says "Families Are Forever" will give you a ticket into the Celestial Kingdom.

What about the Mormon blogging world? There are bazillions of Mormon blogs. Why do we like it so much? Is it the Stay At Home Mom thing? Is that what they do all day? What about all the Mormon bloggers who are all intellectual and deep into doctrine - and post forty seven pages about political issues and BoM translations *snore*...

If I there were a Mormon Conformist Scale, I this is what it would look like:

1. What's a Mormon?
2. I used to be Mormon.
3. I'm not active and I tend to break the Word of Wisdom, but I'm still Mormon
4. I'm sorta active. I go to church a few times a year, but I'm not boozin it up or anything.
5. I'm active. I don't go to picnics and crap though. I do the minimum required of me.
6. I go to church frequently, and participate in activities, but I don't have church friends.
7. I have a temple reccommend and frequently participate in church activites, but I don't have fourteen kids or anything....
8. My spouse is active in the church and our kids are pretty good. Sometimes we'll swear/drink pop/ but on rare occassions.
9. We go to church regularly and fulfill all our callings, tithe, participate in church activites, etc... All our friends, and all our kids friends, are from church.
10. My husband, the doctor, is the Bishop, my wife, the teacher, is the RS president, my ten and a half kids are either on missions or still a fetus.

I'm like a 6. LOL

Mormon Church Cliques

Sitting in church is much like sitting in a high school cafeteria. While the groups aren't allocated by geography, one can generally decipher which Mormon Clique they belong to. Of course this varies by ward, but you get the point.


1. The RM

Return Missionaries can often be identified easily as they still have "leftovers" from their mission. Leftover suits, shoes, haircuts, bibles, etc... They are often enthusiastic about the gospel, reverent, and exceedingly haughty at times. They also have wandering eyes, and tend to flirt.

2. The Convert

Also an enthusiastic bunch. Their prayers tend to be more unique, and sometimes strange. They get funny looks on their face when certain lingo is used, like “CES.” They REALLY pay attention in Sacrament and love Fast and Testimony. They haven’t quite mastered quick scripture lookup or taking the water gracefully.

3. The SAHM

This is the “Stay at Home Mom.” Quite a popular group. They can usually be found in the hallway or in the back of the church with a child on their hip speaking with other SAHMs. Can’t really pay attention due to the amount of unruly children they try to keep at bay. They often do more church activities on days other than Sunday, perhaps to make up for lost time.

4. The Overly Worthy Priesthood Holder

This guy could be mistaken for a missionary if it weren’t for his age, or the children attached to his ankles. He’s often quite attentive or out in the hallway holding the children, as to allow his wife to listen to sacrament. He’s outspoken in Sunday School and Priesthood, and is kind to everyone in the ward. The bishop is usually (hopefully) part of this group.

5. The "Elder"ly

Most often found asleep, this group tends to be those over the age of 70. They’ve been going to church so long that it seems they’ve heard it all. While they’re often inspiring to family members, their talks can get long and off-topic. They’re intelligent about the gospel, and can answer almost any question, although they tend to stick to the “old ways” and don’t like change.

6. The Disgruntled Teen

Usually dressed in trendy outfits, these teens are always on the fashion forefront but feel the way about church much like other children do. They are annoyed at three hours of God talk, and by members of these other various groups. They DO believe in the gospel, and can recite their testimony almost as naturally as chewing a bite of food – without thinking. But the glum, somewhat defeated look on their faces suggests otherwise.

7. The Enthusiastic Teen

The one that has had nothing but positive experience thus far, and are always involved, paying attention, and perfectly adhering to the Word of Wisdom. Their ultimate dreams are to attend BYU, get married/go on a mission, and have children. They are heavily equipped with highlighters and extra reading material, and take notes like they’re practicing for the SAT.

8. The Intellectual

These people often “look” like they are paying attention in church, but are really gazing at the speaker and thinking of something else entirely. They generally think that if they stare in the podium’s direction, that no one is aware of what they are doing. Perhaps they’re thinking of our dependence on foreign oil, perhaps the architecture of the building, perhaps the ingredients of tonight’s dinner – whatever it is, it ain’t about God.

9. The Questionable Couple

This is the guy that comes to church with his salmon colored shirt wrinkly and un-tucked, his navy blue pants three inches too short, and a bow tie. His wife is wearing orange fishnet tights, silver shoes, and a neon green dress. Okay, maybe you’ve never seen them – but they are in my ward and I think they might be from another planet altogether. We must have some good missionaries out on Mars.

You Know You're Mormon If...

I got these from a Facebook group actually. They are HILARIOUS. Feel free to add more!


Its not "the early bird catches the worm" it’s, "the seminary student gets into college."

You say "Provo", "Salt Lake", or "Palmyra" without the state and automatically assume that the whole world knows where those places are.

There is a son on a mission and mom is pregnant with another.

You know what a "fireside" is.

8 kids in a family is "average."

Your 14th and 16th birthdays are the best birthdays of your life.

You think "heck" is the place for people who do not believe in "gosh."

You know how to pronounce and spell Mahonri Moriancumer.

You know what ZL, DL, AP, PPI, BYC, SYC, YSA, GA, EQP, EFY, YC, CTR, and BYU all stand for.Youth Conference, EFY, and Girls Camp are the best 3 weeks of the year

Mormon movies are amazing and Kirby Heyborne is your hero.

You drive into the church parking lot and at least half the lot is filled with 12 passenger vans.

You "Bless this food to nourish and strengthen" your body before eating doughnuts.

Going 24 hours without eating is no longer a challenging thing.

A "Caffeine High" is eating a king size chocolate bar

Parents are disappointed if their kid "only" got into Harvard.

You have more than one aunt/uncle that is younger than you.

The "EFY Medley" is your favorite song

"Is the spirit telling you what its telling me?"

"I can't...I'm Mormon" has been an excuse on more than one occasion

Piano was your first instrument

Your mom is pregnant at the same time you are

You have 3 or more BYU sweatshirts/shirts

Being a "rebel" is drinking Mountain Dew more than twice in one week

There are more women pregnant in your ward than not

You consider a great date watching The Princess Bride!

The laying on of hands has nothing to do with physical violence.

You've ever pushed 120mph in a 55mph zone on the way to a church dance

You've ever had your alarm set for 4:45 am

Your first date was when you were 16 to a Church Dance and your parent was a chaperone.

All your dishes have your name written on them with masking tape

You think Jell-O is one of the basic food groups

At least one of your salad bowls is at a neighbor's house

You have never arrived at a meeting on timeYou have more wheat stored in your basement than most third world countries

You've already got your order in for volume 50 of "The Work and The Glory"

You think it's all right to watch football on Sundays as long as a direct descendant of Brigham Young is playing

You have to guess more than five times the name of the child you're disciplining

You automatically assume that BYOB means, Bring Your Own Burgers

You go to a party and someone spikes the punch with Pepsi

You arrive to an activity an hour late and are the first person there

You say "the scriptures" instead of "the bible" and people are confused

You knew how to iron your own white shirts/dresses before you were ten

The best present on your eighth birthday is a set of scriptures with your name EMBOSSED on the front cover

You are the only person in your high school's theatre department who knows how to tie a necktie . . . and have to do so for every guy wearing one on stage . . . and you're a girl

An evening's hi-jinks involve "heart attacks" or "forking"

You go to college and only know how to cook dishes in amounts of seven portions or more

You know exactly what Beehives, Mia Maids, and Laurels are, and have to explain what those are to your friends

Your family owns a wheat grinder, bread machine, and vacuum packer

You think the only sensible way to buy groceries is in bulk

You know how to make brownies/cookies/frosting/muffins/pancakes/waffles from scratch

You know what "from scratch" means

Your family's satellite subscription package includes BYU Radio and BYU-TV

You have more than one religious picture/statue in your home including in your bathroom and the rooms of you and your siblings

You have never had your own room and will never have your own room because you go from home to college and college to marriage

You think that sharing your dorm room with only ONE roommate is a luxurious arrangement

You carry a military size Book of Mormon in your purse so that you have something to read if you get stuck waiting somewhere

You think it's rude to call or come to someone's home unannounced on Monday night

You look forward to yearly temple trips with Christmas-like anticipation (and then when a temple is built ten minutes from your house you drive by at every opportunity)

You know that the "golden dude" on top of the temple is NOT doing a karate kick, but is holding a trumpet

Your family spends more than 500 dollars on groceries each month at Costco

Boys in your family are not allowed to drive until they reach Eagle Scout rank

You think foreign language class in high school is good practice for your mission

Your home room class (which was Seminary) raises more money during the Penny Drive than the rest of the school . . . combined

You feel like you've really missed out if you get sick on Sunday, especially if it's BYD Sunday

You plan on spending your retirement years on missions

Your favorite lunch hang-out is the Seminary building

Your life is not complete without 1) passing off all six years of Girl's Camp 2)Earning your Young Womanhood Recognition award 3) Graduating Seminary 4)Graduating Institute and 5) Getting married in your favorite temple

The only experience you've had with a Margarita is getting baptized for ten of them on your first temple trip

You get these jokes

What's a Normal Mormon Anyway?

Initially, Normal Mormons was created to be a discussion area for members of the church who more or less identified with the rest of society, rather than other Mormons. "Normal" means conforming to the standard or the common type. I meant "conforming to the standard or common type of society." We can't necessarily recite scriptures on a whim, we don't all know how to make 37 different types of fruit salad, we sometimes watch rated "R" movies, we don't all have perfectly pleated suits or curled bangs. We love the gospel and strive to live as righteously as possible. We are also REAL, we have substance, we have questions, answers, and are outspoken, inquisitive, and are tough enough to withstand the persecution brought onto us by others. We don't discount every argument against our faith without research, and we recognize that we aren't the smartest or most perfect people on Earth. We also don't try to confuse people with fancy words and scripture spouting, or put on a fake front to impress people. We also have a sense of humor. And we're sexy.

However, it can also be taken the other direction of course - conforming to the standard or common type of church members (the Jell-O mold members) and this isn't looked poorly upon at all by myself, at least. If anything I strive to be a little more like them. These members include those who were raised in the church, have never missed a Sunday, were consistently surrounded by the gospel as children, always have a brilliant and in-depth plan for Family Home Evening, and always highlight their scriptures. They were married in the temple, their house is impeccable, and they're college graduates or stay at home parents. We all know what makes a conformist Mormon. But these are also "Normal Mormons."

Whatever category you fall into, rest assured there is always room to learn, grow, and improve. Each group could probably stand to take some pointers from the other. The ultimate goal is to simply grow in the gospel, become closer to Heavenly Father, our families, and live life to the absolute fullest. In the mean time there will be bumps, hurdles, times of praise, and beautiful little moments that make the life given to us worth it.

Enough serious stuff, let's party. *breaks out the Scattergories*

Preconceptions

I had a meeting with someone yesterday about a project I am doing. We had only talked over e-mails, and I met him once at a luncheon. Since he's considerably smarter than I am, I needed his help. Initially, I didn't really think about whether or not he was a member of the church. When he canceled a meeting to go to "Bryce & Zion," I figured that he must be. I don't really know why. Maybe because he mentioned he has a wife and two children and looks like he's in his late twenties. Maybe because he went to Utah for spring break. I don't know. I have really good Mo'dar.

I was meeting him at his house, since he works from there. I drove around the neighborhood, looking for number 77. I spotted it, then went to the end of the street and turned around. I hadn't realized it, but the stake center was literally a three minute walk away. I knocked on the door and he answered, inviting me in. His house was warm and clean, and smelled like Pine-Sol. Playing on the hardwood floor was his son, Clay. Ironically playing with a variety of play-dough. His daughter Bryce was getting dressed in her room, but poked her head out to introduce herself. We sat down in the kitchen, in his "office" and we made small talk.

Me: "So I almost got lost up here! My husband and I actually used to go to the ward over here... is it still a student ward?"

Him: *blank stare* *smirk* "I actually wouldn't know." He blushed and smiled a little.

Me: "Oh...ah...yeah because I used to get lost up here a lot when we went to church." I said, taken slightly aback, and trying to make up something to change the subject

So, he wasn't a member. I immediately felt foolish. I looked around his house. Nothing. No Jesus, no Mormon paraphernalia, nothing. Just everything else a Mormon might have. Family pictures, decoration, etc... His daughter ran out in a skimpy tank top. I looked at his diploma, he was from Florida. I was totally wrong and made an ass of myself.

Moral of the story. Assumptions make and ass out of...well, you know.

Food Storage: The Reason I Stink at Being Mormon

Hello! I'm Jia and I'm a Mormon. Normal might be a bit of a stretch though. Either way I was asked to be a contributor here at Normal Mormons and I am very honored by that request. (I normally blog over at Modern Molly Mormon, and I think it's okay for me to link my own blog, because the Normal Mormon herself blogs over there as one of my contributors.)

Anyways, I wanted to do a semi-follow up to the last post. Converts are very different from life long Mormons. But there are also the small things in us all that makes us a little less "Mormon". I know a Bishop who drinks Dr. Pepper like it's going out of style. A Relief Society President who doesn't scrapbook. A Primary Teacher who doesn't know the Primary songs. And me my friends? I hate food storage.

Don't get me wrong, I like having food storage, and eating food storage, but the moment anyone says "Cannery" to me, my brain somehow shuts off completely. Almost the same way it does when I hear "Genealogy". I don't know how to do it, so I shut down a bit and leave it to the pros. However, one day I'm certain I'll be called do head up the Cannery or something along side it, therefore I must learn! But how? Afterall, going up to anyone and saying, "Excuse me, but what's a Cannery?" Just labels you a convert! And since I've actually been a member for over 8 years, it might also label me pretty stupid too LOL!

But I have however found some great links on the internet to provide information regarding food storage for those of us who are a little more inept than the rest of the congregation:

Food Storage Calculator
Order Food Storage Online
The Church's Preparation Website
Food Storage Pamphlet (Click on a language to download the PDF)
Frequently Asked Questions
Cooking with Food Storage

Birth Mormons vs. Converts

I haven't been in the church long enough to really notice a distinct segregation between LDS converts and those raised in the church as groups. I have noticed at on a case by case basis, the differences between the two are quite funny.

I married into a family that were all raised in the church. I however, am a convert. Along with his family, it seems the large majority of the members are alike in several ways. While I love the church, the gospel, and everything about it - there are a few things that I cannot succumb to in order to "fit in." Of course, there are a few things that I am innately good at that I enjoy doing that just happen to be congruent with popular Mormon culture. Here are a few things I do differently:

1. I don't pray like everyone else.

And thank the Lord. Everyone who was raised in the church (that I have seen) pray's the EXACT same. It's quite annoying. "Our dear kind and gracious Heavenly Father we are so very grateful thy spirit....we ask thee to bless...blah blah blah." They also use the EXACT same inflections in their voice every time. I know there is a certain way you should pray, but I'm sure God didn't want us all to sounds like Mo'bots. Mix it up a little people. God made us different for a reason.

2. I don't wear floor length skirts, brown with black, floral print, have curled bangs, and other fashion faux pas.

Why? Because they are all hideous. I understand we don't go to church to make a fashion statement, but the statement you make is really "I don't care enough about myself to try." Yeah kids, work, school, being a SAHM is always stressful and we don't have time to dress for the prom. But a little effort in the fashion department couldn't hurt.



Things I do the same:

1. I blog.

Blogging in Mormon culture is just a given. Especialy for SAHMs that have nothing to do. Even though I am at work right now. *oops*

2. I'm crafty.

I have always been really crafty, artsy, etc... Until I joined the church and now I am like everyone else. Actually, I would say I am craftier than many people in the church anyway.

3. I like cooking, cleaning, and being a good housewife.

I am not necessarily GREAT at it yet. But I like the feeling of responsibility. I hate the feeling of being TOLD to do it, or EXPECTED to do. Especially because I work full time.


Of course these are just some examples. Those who were raised in the church also have a certain air about them. It's a little muted, low contrast, vanilla, etc... But I think converts also have that. I go out of my way NOT to tell people I am a convert because the respect level shoots downward, and the judgement begins to rise. No one talks about it of course, because people in the church tend to put on the "Mormon Front." It's a wonderful, perfect gospel with imperfect people following it. Which is what bugs me about those who leave the church claiming that they felt ostracized. Just because you don't like the people, doesn't mean you shouldn't follow the gospel. But that's another post.

My statements here aren't to be completely taken seriously, and I am not attempting to categorize every single LDS soul into categories. Like I said, my husband's family was raised in the church and mine was not. His family had seven children, mine had two. Among the nine kids are 4 college graduates, 3 felons, 1 high school dropout, 2 working mothers, 1 divorcee, 1 in prison, and 1 doctor. Of course these overlap a bit, but it's still quite a mix. And I bet you can't guess who is in which family!

Jesus Christ's Mug Shot

Last night our Bishop stopped by unannounced. We just moved (two months ago) and have been debating going to the family ward, or the student ward. So in our perilous struggle for the right ward, we have been putting off attending church altogether. The student ward begins at 9am and is across town, and the family ward begins at 12 and is within walking distance. Yeah, a real hard choice – I know.

When we heard the knock, my husband sprinted upstairs in his garments (he was laying around in them) to change. I answered the door and the Bishop walked in and introduced himself. My husband started getting winded as he picked up the living room and covered his computer screen where he was watching a pirated version of “Rambo.” We talked, but I felt one edge seeing as our house was a pig sty (to anyone else’s standards really) and my husband was wearing the fleece pajama pants I made him. Keep in mind I made them from bright blue fabric with cartoon frogs all over it.

As the Bishop tried to take us seriously, we made an appointment to meet. After he left, we exhaled and my husband said, “Hey nice job with the stuff on the walls honey.” I looked at our living room wall. An 18” x 24” framed photo of Jesus Christ exiting his tomb, and my hand-made 8” x 24” plaque that says, “Families are Forever.” So just in case the Bishop had any doubts he might be in the wrong place, our only decoration in the entire house proves it. No one can argue that, although all Christians would theoretically have the same décor, Mormon décor is particularly identifiable. (Note pix below.)

I find it hard to resist Deseret Book and their many pictures of Jesus that I could put up all over my house. I admit, really the pictures are corny. But what Mormon house do you enter that doesn’t have the beautiful Jesus mug shot in the doorway? Or large plaques with cute sayings on them, that are most likely hand-made with rub-on letters and crackle paint? Or a peg board with hanging names for FHE?

Okay, I don’t just want pictures of Jesus so people know I’m a Mo when they walk in the door. I also don’t want the same pictures everyone else has. (See below.) Unfortunately, Deseret Book Charges upwards of $300 for good stuff. Sheesh. I need to go into the Mormon painting business.


This idea of the "Mormon Front" is something I haven't come to terms with yet. I don't hate it, and I don't like it. It's just this silent thing that goes on in LDS communities. As a convert I don't understand as much as those who have been in the church their whole lives. You put up pictures of Jesus, have a few Ensigns laying around, have those stickers on the back of your van that indicate how many members of the family there are in stick figures, etc... Given that I might have done all this anyway had I not converted, I don't feel particularly cultish. But man, can we get some VARIETY!!!???

P.S. I love Jesus.