You Know You're Mormon If...

I got these from a Facebook group actually. They are HILARIOUS. Feel free to add more!

Its not "the early bird catches the worm" it’s, "the seminary student gets into college."

You say "Provo", "Salt Lake", or "Palmyra" without the state and automatically assume that the whole world knows where those places are.

There is a son on a mission and mom is pregnant with another.

You know what a "fireside" is.

8 kids in a family is "average."

Your 14th and 16th birthdays are the best birthdays of your life.

You think "heck" is the place for people who do not believe in "gosh."

You know how to pronounce and spell Mahonri Moriancumer.

You know what ZL, DL, AP, PPI, BYC, SYC, YSA, GA, EQP, EFY, YC, CTR, and BYU all stand for.Youth Conference, EFY, and Girls Camp are the best 3 weeks of the year

Mormon movies are amazing and Kirby Heyborne is your hero.

You drive into the church parking lot and at least half the lot is filled with 12 passenger vans.

You "Bless this food to nourish and strengthen" your body before eating doughnuts.

Going 24 hours without eating is no longer a challenging thing.

A "Caffeine High" is eating a king size chocolate bar

Parents are disappointed if their kid "only" got into Harvard.

You have more than one aunt/uncle that is younger than you.

The "EFY Medley" is your favorite song

"Is the spirit telling you what its telling me?"

"I can't...I'm Mormon" has been an excuse on more than one occasion

Piano was your first instrument

Your mom is pregnant at the same time you are

You have 3 or more BYU sweatshirts/shirts

Being a "rebel" is drinking Mountain Dew more than twice in one week

There are more women pregnant in your ward than not

You consider a great date watching The Princess Bride!

The laying on of hands has nothing to do with physical violence.

You've ever pushed 120mph in a 55mph zone on the way to a church dance

You've ever had your alarm set for 4:45 am

Your first date was when you were 16 to a Church Dance and your parent was a chaperone.

All your dishes have your name written on them with masking tape

You think Jell-O is one of the basic food groups

At least one of your salad bowls is at a neighbor's house

You have never arrived at a meeting on timeYou have more wheat stored in your basement than most third world countries

You've already got your order in for volume 50 of "The Work and The Glory"

You think it's all right to watch football on Sundays as long as a direct descendant of Brigham Young is playing

You have to guess more than five times the name of the child you're disciplining

You automatically assume that BYOB means, Bring Your Own Burgers

You go to a party and someone spikes the punch with Pepsi

You arrive to an activity an hour late and are the first person there

You say "the scriptures" instead of "the bible" and people are confused

You knew how to iron your own white shirts/dresses before you were ten

The best present on your eighth birthday is a set of scriptures with your name EMBOSSED on the front cover

You are the only person in your high school's theatre department who knows how to tie a necktie . . . and have to do so for every guy wearing one on stage . . . and you're a girl

An evening's hi-jinks involve "heart attacks" or "forking"

You go to college and only know how to cook dishes in amounts of seven portions or more

You know exactly what Beehives, Mia Maids, and Laurels are, and have to explain what those are to your friends

Your family owns a wheat grinder, bread machine, and vacuum packer

You think the only sensible way to buy groceries is in bulk

You know how to make brownies/cookies/frosting/muffins/pancakes/waffles from scratch

You know what "from scratch" means

Your family's satellite subscription package includes BYU Radio and BYU-TV

You have more than one religious picture/statue in your home including in your bathroom and the rooms of you and your siblings

You have never had your own room and will never have your own room because you go from home to college and college to marriage

You think that sharing your dorm room with only ONE roommate is a luxurious arrangement

You carry a military size Book of Mormon in your purse so that you have something to read if you get stuck waiting somewhere

You think it's rude to call or come to someone's home unannounced on Monday night

You look forward to yearly temple trips with Christmas-like anticipation (and then when a temple is built ten minutes from your house you drive by at every opportunity)

You know that the "golden dude" on top of the temple is NOT doing a karate kick, but is holding a trumpet

Your family spends more than 500 dollars on groceries each month at Costco

Boys in your family are not allowed to drive until they reach Eagle Scout rank

You think foreign language class in high school is good practice for your mission

Your home room class (which was Seminary) raises more money during the Penny Drive than the rest of the school . . . combined

You feel like you've really missed out if you get sick on Sunday, especially if it's BYD Sunday

You plan on spending your retirement years on missions

Your favorite lunch hang-out is the Seminary building

Your life is not complete without 1) passing off all six years of Girl's Camp 2)Earning your Young Womanhood Recognition award 3) Graduating Seminary 4)Graduating Institute and 5) Getting married in your favorite temple

The only experience you've had with a Margarita is getting baptized for ten of them on your first temple trip

You get these jokes


Anonymous said...

"You consider a great date watching The Princess Bride!"

What about playing the videogame?

emily said...

you must be mormon if you are watching a movie and all you can think about is how this relates to your talk on sunday

emily said...

you must be mormon if you are watching a movie and all you can think about is how this relates to your talk on sunday

Kelley said...

You must be Morom if you don't know what to do with your Wednesday nights once you graduate High School.

Melissa said...

If while attending BYU you are afraid to talk to boys because you don't want to get married, because that would resuld in 12 children, casseroles, cheerios in little plastic baggies during sacrament, and taking mid-morning walks with other young mothers while pushing your toddlers in a pram.

Anonymous said...

you know your a mormon if.. you get sick and the relief society brings dinner to your family for a week.

you know what the relief society is.

Anonymous said...

if every time you pray you ask that you can "travel in Saftey." Lots of Mormons must have named their car Saftey.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! These are SO true for my family!

Anonymous said...

Oh , my gawsh, these are so funny! XD I love it!

Anonymous said...

One thing to add...
"The first app you installed on your iTouch or iPhone was the Mormon Scriptures, complete with New Testaments, Old Testaments, Book of Mormon, Doctorine and Covanents, Pearl of Great Price, and Topical Guide and Bible Dictinary."
Another one that annoys me to no end, but is sadly true...
"You are the only one of your friends who owns a suit, or even a whit collared shirt, or even a tie..."

Anonymous said...

Here's another few:
You have all of the seminary songs and hymns downloaded onto your iPod, but nothing else.

Your kitchen table has all the leafs in normally, and kids have to eat at the counter when guests come.

Your parents go out to the movies or to eat every Friday and leave you to watch your other 5 siblings, none of whom are old enough to stay home alone.

You think that 21 is the age at which you can legally drink Coke.

Your goals in life are go to BYU for one year, serve a mission, go back to BYU, find true love your sophomore year and live for all eternity with your 20 kids.

You can not wait to retire so that you can serve a mission with your spouse.

You live on only one income, and have to support a herd of kids and pay off the van.

You learned how to drive in a mini van.

You only got satellite so that you could watch General Conference.

You had all of your hours of required high school service by the end of your first semester.

You think that watching PG13 is living on the edge and watching rated R will destroy your soul.

The Superbowl is the second best TV program of the year after General Conference.

You were ashamed of your friends when they started dating before 16.

You plan tithing and offerings into your budget...before you plan for your mortgage or anything else.

You knew the names of your great-great grandparents before you could spell your own.

You have done all of the requirements to be an eagle scout...twice...and you are a girl.

You see your acting in the roadshow as your big debut.

You feel very posh when you get to wear clothes that have only been worn by two other people.

You are the only one not drinking coffee in your first class at school, and yet you are the only one who is wide awake.

You can find any scripture from the bible in seconds with help from the Topical Guide.

You learned all of the scripture mastery in two languages and feel embarassed when you do not know a random Bible scripture from memory.

You get these jokes.

Anonymous said...

Your routine for getting ready for bed each night includes writing in your journal, reading your scriptures and saying your prayers.
You never forget to do them, even when you do forget to brush your teeth.
You thought that the ten commandments included the Word of Wisdom.
You whistle or hum hymns while you work.
You only know how to whistle or hum hymns.
Your journal is longer than most of the novels you read in school.
You see frowning as a sin.
John Bytheway is your favorite comedian, Kirby Heyborne is your favorite actor and Afterglow is your favorite musical group.
You wonder when the Brady Bunch plans on having their next kid.
People ask you if your mom is your older sister.
People ask you if your little siblings are your children.
People ask you how many wives your father has.
"Flip" is the worst swear word you know.
You have to take out another loan each Christmas.
When asked what you want to be when you grow up, you answer happily "Homemaker".
Your hero was Nephi until you were five, when you discovered Samuel the Laminite or the Stripling Warriors.
You collect tie tacks.
You know what a tie tack is.
Noodles and sauce are the meal every Sunday, except for the first of the month.
You try to use the Book of Mormon as a nonfiction book when required to read one for a school assignment.
You know the whole script and all of the actors' names for the Singles Ward, the RM and other suc productions, but have never heard of any other comedy movies.
The Living Scriptures version of the Stripling Warriors is the most violent movie you have ever seen.
You were born at the BYU health clinic, and you are the second child.
You think "gospel" music includes MoTab.
You call MoTab "MoTab" and expect that everyone knows what you mean.
You wonder why members of other churches actually WANT to be Bishops.
People do not believe you in High School when you tell them that you are a Priest.
People REALLY do not believe you in High School when you tell them that you will be an Elder befoe you graduate.
High School graduation is the second most exciting thing that happens senior year, after Seminary graduation.
You go to a non-church activity and wonder where the cheesecake, jell-o and casserole are.
You think that you don't fill any of these stereotypes, until you are the only ones who bring casserole to the community picnic.
Mother's Day is one of the most exciting days of the year, and it is spent hovering around the phone, waiting for your son to call...and you are a man.
You think that taking two years between Freshman and Sophomore at college is usual.
You wonder why parents in the neighborhood let their kids knock on your door or even play outside on Sundays.
Your two youngest children do not know your third oldest because they were born while the other was on a mission.
You think that Nephi, Heleman, Moroni and Mohonri are normal names for a child.
You have driven your mother to the hospital to have a baby.
Your mother was pregnant at your wedding.
You have spent most of your first two decades with your wife dealing with her being pregnant.
You are jealous of your older BYU roomate because he is an RM.

"It is against my religion to..." has been an excuse, even against people who do not know you are LDS.
You play truth or dare and your deepest secret is that you once had a Mountain Dew.
You have your parents, grandparents, home teachers, visiting teachers, and bishop on speed dial.
You do not have a problem walking out of a PG movie.
You wonder why your non-member friends can not sing on key.
More of the people in your ward choir than not.
You think of layovers and long lines are great missionary opportunities.
You think that $3 an hour for babysitting is like striking oil, for watching 6 kids.
You make a covenent whenever you start a new diet.
You think baby diapers have little smell, but gag on the stench of coffee.

Anonymous said...

People are confused when you can other members "Brother" or "Sister"
You cook like a five star chef and you are a man.
Your family has a birthday party at least once a month
Waking up at 7 on a Saturday embarasses you
The Ensign, Friend and New Era are the only magazines you subscribe to.
You post Mormonads on your walls.
You recognize the word "Mormonad"
You have more copies of the Book of Mormon at home than most people have books in their house.
You have more dry cereal than the average supermarket.
You go to the grocery store twice a week, but could last 6 months on your food storage.
You have friends in all high schools of the county...except your own.
You carry two copies of the Book of Mormon to read in case you place one.
You know what "placing a Book of Mormon" means.
You go to the bathroom at work every day before lunch because the cafeteria is too loud to pray.
You are confused when other people fight with other members of their family.
The only comics that you read are the Extra Smiles of the New Era.
You team up in groups of 2 or 3 to play board games for FHE
You play board games as a family at all.
You know what FHe stands for.
You know names and recipes for 10+ casseroles.
You wear a suit to give a High School oral report.
You are shocked when you learn that only the choir sings in other churches.
You TVO Sunday and Monday Football to watch them on Tuesday and not break FHE or the Sabbath.
You have Adam listed on your genealogical record.
You have a genealogical record.
Your criteria for a young man included whether or not he is an RM.
You have shown the Singles Ward to nonmembers and wonder why they don't get it.

Anonymous said...

HA! These are so true. I counted them and found that only 6 of them were not true for my family, and that primarily has to do with the fact that I live in DC and do not have release time seminary. I do have one more:
You know you are mormon if you have a sibling that is farther from you in age than your mom. (for me, that is true, at least.)

Anonymous said...

"How many Relief Society women does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four: one to bring the table cloth, one to bring the centerpiece, one to bring the refreshments, and one to bring the lightbulb."
"How many missionaries does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four: One to bring the lightbulb, and three to not show up."
"How many bishops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: bishops don't change lightbulbs, that's what missionaries are for."

Anonymous said...

To the last one, it's not missionaries. It's elders.

Anonymous said...

Mobsters and Mormons is the best mormon movie ever!!

Anonymous said...

You know your mormon if you seen the Son of Provo so many times and heard the cd about 10 time and know all the words.

Anonymous said...

You know you're a Mormon if:

At least 1/2 of your family's names are taken from the Scriptures.

You have more than 40 cousins.

Your favorite movies include The Singles Ward, The RM, Mobsters and Mormons, The Home Teachers, Sons of Provo and The Book Of Mormon Movie

The only plays you've been in are Savior Of The World and the roadshow.

You wouldn't dream about starting the school year without a father's blessing.

Your ward has at least one baby blessing every week.

Anonymous said...

If, the first time you were telling someone about your church, you had to define every other word and then you had to define your definitions... and you didn't stop talking even after they gave you a sigh.

Anonymous said...

You kmow you're Mormon pass you're speech class easly.

Anonymous said...

you know your mormon if you know what passing the sacrament means.

Anonymous said...

you know you're mormon if you always slow dance "scriptures length apart"

Anonymous said...

sorry to a mormon from mexico but i am bilingual however i dont quite understad what RM means?

to add

you know you are a mormon when you are happy once a year passed after a loved one passed away i know i did

Anonymous said...

You know your a mormon if...
You've seen "The Best Two Years" almost as many times this week as "The Princess Bride"

Anonymous said...

I posted the comment before this comment also FYI.
You know your a mormon if...
You think Kate Gossiln has it easy.
You fasted when Gordon B. Hinkley died.
You know 83 different ways to prepare a dish using Jell-O.
You've never seen a PG-13 movie...and your 37.
You are disgusted when your companion says FLIP.
You can play the piano almost as well as you can play the viola.
You know every word to Toy Story and Toy Story 2.
You walked out of the movie theatre during "Church Ball"
Your family enters a small town and doubles the population.

Anonymous said...

haha us mormons are amazing!! :)

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