A Funny Day at Church

We had kind of an out-of-the ordinary day at church today. While the talks and subjects weren't particularly memorable, everything that made us not pay attention was....

Today's speakers were all women, because of the new Young Women's leaders. The moment they started to speak, the bishop fell asleep and all the old men broke out their books and started reading instead of paying attention. Jerkoffs. Sorry - that's just rude.

We had three speakers, and every one of them cried. Like, almost indecipherable wailing. The first girl didn't even divert her eyes as she reached over to the tissue box. The other two felt it necessary to dig into their nose with the tissues. Ew.

In sacrament we were starving. A Samoan woman got up to talk, and she made us want Hawaiian BBQ really bad. (I'm not being racist, she just reminds me of a lady that worked at a Hawaiian BBQ.) I couldn't even focus because I wanted spam musubi so bad. Then in Sunday School we were talking about the book of Jacob and the allegorical story of the olive branch. I said "Mmmm, olives..." And my husband followed up with, "Oooh. Olive Garden sounds so good." THIS is why you should eat before church.

Our Sunday School room is directly underneath the primary room. We can hear the piano just as well as if it were sitting right in front of us. Not to mention the thunderous roar of little footsteps and shuffling chairs. They sang "I Am a Child of God" FIVE times in one hour. I don't even know what to say about this.

I looked over at my husband and he was staring off into space, mouth gaping open and eyes wide. I couldn't help but laugh out loud, then quietly ask him what the heck he was doing. He said, and I quote, "Oh. I was thinking of a way to Jackie Chan myself out of a situation. I was fighting the guys, and coming up with moves to kick their ass. But somehow I end up dying in the end anyway."

We are going to be getting temple prep classes from an older couple at church, and the Bishop introduced us after sacrament. I reached out my hand to introduce myself, and Mr. Eggbert shook it lightly and said, "I need to talk to your husband..." and almost flung me out of the way by my arm. I stood about three feet away, feeling very insulted. He then asked if my husband would say a prayer in church next week. I thought, "Ha Ha!" Then he turned to me and said, "And after that, it's your turn." These are going to be some interesting temple prep classes.

Ah good times.


Anonymous said...

You seem rather flippant about your religion and your church services. Why don't you consider a different religion?

April said...

Just because things about my church, the people in it, or the technicalities of practice annoy me, doesn't mean I don't wholeheartedly believe in it. I can't just walk out because I'm annoyed. I am someone to invoke change, not turn my back. I also can't just stop believing at the drop of a hat!

Melissa said...

I love entertaining church days. And you really do seem normal ... that's nice, as we 'normal mormons' seem to be few and far between.

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